A Friend told you about an amazing dinner they had. You are looking to try something new and ask them for their recipe. Think about some things you have to do to make it? You need a recipe to even get started. What items to you need to buy? How much time to you need to make the food? Are there any special appliances or pans you need?
We need to follow the list, line by line as we learn this new dish.
So.. in the beginning it might take some time to create the meal. The shopping might be a bit longer as you search for the items. You may need your glasses to read the recipe.. lol.
So, you make it.. you learn a few things along the way. What worked…what didn’t. You may add a few things or take something away.
Then you remake it. This time, you may not need to rely on the recipe as much… you tweaked it as you liked it. Before you know it, this meal is one of your “go to” ones and the recipe card stays tucked away in your kitchen drawer.
Learning tools to have the relationship you want is much like learning a new recipe. You see something in someone that you want. You speak to a friend to learn some new skills..what has worked for them. You create a plan to follow to have the outcomes that you desire.
However, after the conversation, we can forget that changing behavior and adding new skills takes time. It takes practice and it takes following the recipe card. Like making a meal that we are unsure of… learning how to incorporate healthy tools in our life takes time, practice and patience. But.. as we practice, some amazing things happen. We start to live it. We start to know what to do and we start to do it.
So, take the time. Follow the steps. It may feel like “work” at the beginning, but if you stick with it, you will find it has become your “go to” skill set for when conflict arises and your movement through it will become faster and faster.
You owe it to yourself, your relationships and your happiness. Create your plan, follow your plan and you will live your plan.